GOSH Ivan ....so you mean those dear little ladies who run the Charity Shop are really..... ooeeeer I tink I had better go and lie down ,I've come over all strange.....heaven forbid !! where's the Vicar when we need him ??
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"When professional middle class folk really go permissive they do it with a finesse of wickedness that leaves working class folk gasping."
"Could be Ivan, just 'cos their old now?"
Nowt wrong with being old Amenity.........
Its just that you cannot park correctly...
(oh boy, i should talk..)
When i got my latest car, on the first few days of driving it, i put a HUGE dent in the nearside rear door lower quarter as i pulled out of my turning onto Brooklands..
Now brooklands is not that wide really, and some dumbwitt parked a car for sale right on the corner of my road, on Brooklands... = not a lot of room....
So, i cursed, got home, told my "little-boy"...he told mummy....they laughed....i got a bit annoyed....remembered that the car was not new...calmed down and laughed..."little-boy" took door panel of inside and pushed most of dent out..(kids can be usefull sometimes..lol..).......
Now the funny part of this tale.....
Should i have cared about it at all, well i am old, bus pass next year for me...
The car..??..well its a top of the range Honda, a big honda at that, but not new...
This car was given to me by an old buddy that i`ve known for 20 or more years, and have helped each other out lots.........
Mainly about cars, cars and lots of cars.....
Buddy now has got a thriving car restoration business.....some "nice cars" too,
Buddy gave me said Honda for all the help i`ve given him over the years, mainly technicle type of help rather than hands on....
So thats why i got annoyed really, its not the car, but the fact it was given......
As an endnote, i used to race bangers, stock cars and hot rods.........LOTS of dents there then eh..........ha..ha..ha................
And the story about frinton....well, if its in the Gazette, it must be true...???...is it..???....................lol..................................
GOSH Ivan ....so you mean those dear little ladies who run the Charity Shop are really..... ooeeeer I tink I had better go and lie down ,I've come over all strange.....heaven forbid !! where's the Vicar when we need him ??
I was there, Right in the midst of my flock. It was me who organised the circle of naked geriatrics dancing around the new £20m latrines as we chanted a mantra for the future health of our councillors. We waited until midnight for you Lin but when you didn't arrive we had to stsart without you as most of the ladies are on water tablets and had to get get home PDQ
We waited until midnight for you Lin but when you didn't arrive we had to stsart without you as most of the ladies are on water tablets and had to get get home PDQ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~#
Vicar, my learned and most gracious friend, twas not just the fairer sex that has fluid problems i`m afraid...
This old salt has looked into the vastness of his medical cabinet, only to find that its not retention medication thats been used up, but worse........
If i cannot get the kindness of green elms and its "gift givers" tomorrow (monday) i for one will be pushing, but not happening.......
Its all down to my "walnut" buried beneath my ample lower body parts.....(oh dear) sorry for that....lol.....
Still, i can always park funny in Frinton on purpose, and say.."the vicar say`s its OK"..........
(my wife does worry about me)...ah..ha..ha.....
I have to keep quiet on the dancing round the loo's tingy naked at midnight.
My OH proposed to me at midnight at Stonehenge and we were married on 31 Oct so have to watch myself around the full moon as a strange urge comes over me
Always remember ,in my VERY mis-spent youth about 20 of us crammed into a beaten up ford van and descended on the Greensward for fun and frolicks ,out the van we fell to be greeted by the startled locals of Frinton -on -commode .All in our hippy gear we proceeded along the prom until being approached by a rather military old geezer who asked if we had mistaken The genteel town of F-O-C for Walton.I don't suppose we helped by asking where the hot dog van was.........
I'd keep well away from the bathroom cabinet if I was you Ivan ,as ours has a mirror on and for some strange reason I keep seeing my mother peering back at me (can't be me I'm not that old .....am I ??)
........"strange reason I keep seeing my mother peering back at me (can't be me I'm not that old .....am I ??)".......
Well i know exactly the point you make young Lin........
So, the thing to do................
OK, ivans now changing into Captain invinceable........i`m putting on my batman like cape and headgear, also my vest emblazoned with my above name and to complete the outfit i`ll wear my best dark tights with bright red boots..
DA-----DAAAAAAA........
Captain Invinceable to the rescue MAM, i`ll shout...
with a swirl of my black cape, i`ll magically swop your unflatering bathroom mirror for one that has so softened the look it reflects back, that you would have sworn it was you from 30 or more years ago......
And with that good deed done, the Captain roars away into the night on his trusty 2 wheeled steed pop-poping as he goes, with fluttering cape behind him....
Oh Thank You Iva....I mean Captain Invincible ...thats much better ,in return I'll get the old Broomstick out and wave as I do my fly-past of the Gold Coast ,problem is ,I got caught in a sudden downpour and the spark plugs are a bit damp.
Hey ,I know how to fix it.....I'll take it to Frinton town Council and all that hot air should soon get me all nice and sparky again
Cor that mirror is better than Valda's immortal fire (ask any 50 something woman who she was C.I . if they read the Bunty of course....
PS Do you wear your underpants outside your lycra leggings or does your wife make you dress proper like ????
......."PS Do you wear your underpants outside your lycra leggings or does your wife make you dress proper like"....... ????
YOUNG LIN, of course i wear the proper attire, as to fresh red super stretch wobbly bits hiding Captain Invinceable lycra made for fashion under / over parts-pants....What else would i do......lol....
Also, with referance to your damp parts, a jolly good dose of that magical workhorse, that tool for all occasions, that supreemly slippery substance thats in a handy can for all occasions and ages(with exceptions).......
WD 40 of course..........
It will ignite your fire 24/7...........
Oh dear, after all that me dinners now done, so, DA_DAH.......Capt "I" is awayyyy
As i`ve just found a little used cape, body stocking and red underpants that i`d thought i`d lost, its about time they were pressed into service........again.....
Front page Frinton & Walton Gazette Thurs 31st Jan....
"Town will be a Theme Park"
A Frinton Councillor at TDC say`s,,
"Frinton needs mainainance"
"it doesent need constant development into a sort of Centre Parcs-on-Sea"
It is a beutiful Town...it is not a resort..
He goes onto say.."Dont get me wrong, visitors are very welcome, but we must be careful not to ruin the very attractions Frinton has and is famous for"
All iggy wiggy wants are security spotlights along the seafront...
not much to ask is it, well not much when you have spent half a million quid of someone elses money, is it......poor chap..
All that resentment from his own as well...................
From the coast`s of Kent, Centre Parcs wannabe`s in Frinton want to "shine the light" back out across the cruel seas, to be vibrant, modern, exclusive, just like its latest family friendly, funtime in the sunshine, executive sooper loo`s.
Next thing iggy wiggy would want is chromatic lights at night surrounding his pet project, Frintons own Taj Mahal...
After that, the next Parc attraction could be a GIANT Lazer light in the night sky shinning images upwards to passing clound nine like clouds to be used as heavenly projection screens, broadcasting the merits of earth bound Frintons bountiful beauty......
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