| Archive for talkclacton.myfastforum.org A discussion group on local issues for residents of Tendring District |
| ivan burit |
Free daily bus tours to visit the Taj Mahal of Essex....Toilets = £500,000 and no one in finance blinked an eye lid.Under new Government legislation, ALL those over 60 years of age can apply for a free bus pass.........fantastic you would say. I would, i can then get a free bus to the Taj of frinton for a pee costing me only 20p.... In fact from April 1st, i will try and organise free daily bus tours from parts of our district that have been left in the dark when it comes to funding, Harwich and Jaywick are just two areas set out in the latest government statistics. We can take flask`s of tea, sandwiches, and warm blankets, and spend the whole day sitting in splender, all this for just 20p... A fantastic day away from the deprivation we read and hear about on local and national television..... Now, what can we call these "day`s away to splender" OH dear, Gill Coleshaw, head of benefits and revenues, said. " The government said it would fund the scheme, but the council has made bugetary provision. The reason she said this is because TDC will only get a grant of just £477,000 to offset the cost of the districts 30,000 over 60`s who use this free service...and why not, with Town Center parking being the nightmare it is.. Just a minuet, over 30,000 persons using a grant aided free service for its district... How many 20p fee paying customers get served per year, in £500,000`s worth of money consumimg splender.... 4 part time polishers/cleaners water rates council tax gardeners toilet paper polishes and waxes uniforms electric must be huge amounts even with its low consumption state of the art hand driers, and the outside floodlighting gives it a thumb on nose to all outside who wish to be granted a slice of whats been, and is being, spent on Frintons Taj Mahal........ And now he wants another £30,000 to repair his seafront love shack.... Scandalous is not the word to use here.... What was TDC`s motto....."PRO BONO OMNIUM" ++++++++++++++++++++FOR THE GOOD OF ALL++++++++++++++++++ Or was it++++++For The Good Of Frinton, S*d All For The Rest++++ _________________ BROOKLANDS,THE FUTURE IS OURS. Supported by~ Brooklands Residents Representatives~~ ++un funded and politicly free++ |
||||
| ivan burit |
I was at a meeting in Weeley tonight.
Lots were spoken, some from the heart.. Some of the faces i knew, some i never.. One face i never saw, was our Sultan of Frinton...... Not quite sure why though..... |
||||
| EssexGurl |
Mebbe someone locked him in the loo  
|
||||
| Lin |
Wern't me Honest Guv
Here Ivan are you saying we are going to become Window Lickers ????
"The wheels on the bus go round and round.......or... " Didn't we have a lovely time the day we went to Frinton A beautiful day ,we had a drink on the way , And spent a 20p you know. |
||||
| ivan burit |
There was an old Sultan
who was locked in a loo his name was werry tallon he never had a clue to sit in regal splendor for a sum of 20 pence the mayoral lead of Frinton was never so intense its not the half a million as the money is not his but other projects losin leaving the rest in a tizz so window lickin werry had better be wear a hood prone sitting in that position doing window licking good |
||||
| Vicar |
Many years elapsed between me first hearing the phrase, "Harwich for the continent, Frinton for the incontinent", before I understood it.
But we are witnessing some shrewd business practice here. Pitch your product where the demand is greatest. This latrine only needs 2,500,000 punters at 20p a throw (I know it's not called a 'throw' but the other words are so unseemly), then we add a few more contributions for running costs and we move into massive profit. Before you know it we'll see our council tax being slashed as well. sorry about that but I had to say it before Ivan did. I have seen the future. (This happens to me from time to time. The Kids used to say, "Mum, Dad's having one of his Chardonnay turns again".) I reckon we'll break even in July, Clacton will have a South and a Central pier added to complement the famous Pleasure Beach. Asda will move into the Shopping Village. I have a dream. The Town Centre will be succesfully redeveloped, our police will save so many rats that we will need to summon a pied piper, a charity shop will open in the town. I have a dream. The old Woolwich Call Centre in Jackson Road will be taken over by the Mumbai Transport Corporation, so their Clactonian staff can give timetable information to Mumbai travellers which they will have so much difficulty understanding that they will hang up in frustration. I have a dream. Tesco will drop their plan to open a Frinton branch when they discover that the residents still use ration books to buy food and that their tills will be useless as they cannot deal with shillings and pence. By the way, whatever happened to Martin Luther-King? |
||||
| ivan burit |
By the way, whatever happened to Martin Luther-King?
Oh Vicar, you are auful, or was that all fool....lol our Mr King was indeed a visionary, akin to Frintons 1st Sultan with depth of thought, both man gods set out to give the world peace in our time. Mr King was, as you know, never able to reach his goal. Our man god, the Sultan of frinton, is looking to reach his own God like goal. History oftain repeats itself, like a geen gerkin with your friday fish and chip supper. How long before the Sultan of frinton gets caught up in the history books, being repeated like a well pickled green gerkin.. In the headline news we have a man so far up the "look at me - look at me" ladder, that he has taken a wrong step, and just like the childrens board game snakes & ladders, has slipped all the way down again. In a previous incarnation, our Sultan of Frinton was very much like our Minister Mr "Paine", and took the wrong step and slipped all the way down to the bottom again, his beloved followers all chanting .... "Save his highness the Sultan".. with much throwing of rose tinted petals in the road before him, he walked all the way back home from his fallen seat of power, all the way back to his secret empire by the sea........Frintonialand.. It was very simular to that lawless offshore redundant fort that is self ruling by its own king and Queen, Sealand...it also a magical place that issues its own passports to eturnity, and beyond.... When the tragic news of the falling from grace in the past year, the Sultan of Frinton sat in a huddle with his loyal followers, mumbling and grumbling "what shall we do" so a terrible plan was hatched.. if my lost loyal votee`s dont want me, i will make them love me again, he said, while running in small circles chanting to his God, the God of money...... While this frantic chanting was seen to be heard, as if by magic, through the earths ether arrived a set of magical drawings with strange symbols written upon them, symbols that no man had seen before.. A huge eddifis, of giant proportions, and like the great wall of China, it too will be seen from the moon......a triumph of mankind to a god, to a Sultan even.... This mystical magical man god of frinton also wants to endower his devotee`s with yet another trinket to his kingdom by way of a moved or removed love shrine modeled on a victorian seaside love shack next the sea... perhaps the oldern style shrine has more than sentimental reasons, perhaps a happy hunting ground from times gone by even, when men were men, and boys were boys, and girlies were in abundance... History yet again proves that man gods can be oh so wrong, for not that many moons had passed since the Sultan of frinton wanted his own way in the removal of all Frintonias seaside love shacks as they were deemed too old, not new, not BIG enough for the man gods ego..... one quietly thinks aloud as to what would come to pass, like reginauld perrin and the kyak man of the seas, to return to the living and be haunted by his thoughts and deeds, his regrets as to even thinking of knocking down Frintonias old world love shacks beside the seas of a Sultans Empire............ And now...........a purse, or bounty, of staggering proporsions that exceed £30,000 are sort, when but only 2 years hence, a team of willing workers gave time and chattels to honour the sultans love shacks, and laboured in love to them, much to the Sultans distain at the very time of there labours. But now.......a Frintonias famouse No. 1 son, a Sultan of frinton, has deemed all those before him to be of lesser mortals in their labours of love, and so seeks the highest of gods men permission to conquer the quests, to repel the guests, to seek self styled retribution.... The trouble was though, in history, many god like men who thought they were "special" never lasted and of coarse, fell before the last hurdle.. another self styled man god of his own empire, a paper and news one, he too likend the great seas of the world, took one step for mankind just too far, and walked off the edge of his boat.. He too never lasted long enough to follow on in the footsteps of truely great men, and so yet again slipped down that well greased ladder, for them nasty snakes at the bottom to devour them up like tasty morsels for supper..... Reginald Perrin lookalikes with kyaks that seem to disapear for ever, seem to turn up like bad pennies later on, only to face the music..(and dance)... And so, much like them soooper tasty green gurkins much loved by the working men of Clactons parrishes east / west & south (or was that north) we have god like men falling from grace once pickled in glass jars for all to see and be consumed by the many.... As an aside, in todays news Peter Hain lost his job because of "not telling the truth" and being in control of an uncontrollable spin that was his downfall....... uummmmm, i wonder.....if, just if........lol..... |
||||
| Lin |
CRIKEY IVAN
Does that feel better 
Thanks for the laughs ,you and Vicar would make a great double act !! |
||||
| ivan burit |
Oh my child, one doth not forsee in one`s future..
The future is for enternity, for those that doth seek it. For all the stumped up, trumped up, dump trucked twots that belive they are special, like the Dick of Whittinton, think again.........lol.. Sorry our Lin, its the hate wiggy syndromme coming out again..XX |
||||
| ivan burit |
Vicar, you are oh so clever.
" Clacton will have a South and a Central pier added to complement the famous Pleasure Beach. Asda will move into the Shopping Village." Why not combine all 3 together...... If a water way was dug from near Horsey island, right across and up to the tradesmans entrance of the village, we could see visitors abund. Import enough sand from France (so them froggies loose its beach`s) you idea of new piers would then be inland adjacent to tidal flow (or was that tidal Flo) Them hugemungus ferries could then anchor up at horsey Island, and fleets of rice boats would ferry foriegn freddy`s frantically up to a man made beach, cum ADSA built halfway into the village. Tourism would be at an all time high, it may even rival a soggy Southend Saturday sometime soon. scanty clad girlies would be wisking whisky n`water while waiters watched women wizz westwards with white wetsuits upon their pert parts... |
||||
| pepsi |
Too late Ivan,
Frinton imported sand to it's beaches [probably from France] many years ago, I remember reading about it in the Gazette. |
||||
| Lin |
Ivan
You have just impressed us all with your oustanding alliteration 
|
||||
| ivan burit |
Oh Lin, because of yourself, i now have learned a new word...lol | ||||
| Lin |
Actually ,it was an eleven year old who told me  ...and I still had to spell check it 
|
||||
| ivan burit |
ha..ha..ha....x | ||||
| Vicar |
See? Even his evil laugh is alliterative. |
||||
| ivan burit |
Trouble is Vicar, being a bit deaf (WOT) i oftain repeat myself just i case i never got heard... Trouble is Vicar, being a bit deaf (WOT) i oftain repeat myself just i case i never got heard... |
||||
| Vicar |
NO PROBLEM IVAN. I SAID, "SEE? EVEN HIS EVIL LAUGH IS ALLITERATIVE" | ||||
| amenity |
I do hope Vicar, you don't treat the locals like this when abroad? | ||||
| Vicar |
'Course I do It's the only way to make Johnny Foreigner understand and saves me the bother of learning another language.
(Not really. I have qualifications in French, Greek and Latin The latter two will be useful if I ever travel to ancient Greece or Rome. I am also fluent in Clactonese which involves inserting the F-word before and after each noun, verb, adjective and adverb and ending every sentence with, ".........like innit?) You know what I mean? Like innit? |
||||
| amenity |
Of course Vicar I can understand your bad habit if you have been recently been trying to converse with our illustrious councillors, I've been guilty of such thing myself
|
||||
| ivan burit |
GISSA JOB MATE.....
http://www.jobcentreplus.gov.uk/I...lectedVacancy=64&ref=CSR/8313 ........... on looking at this link, its all gone like my nearest & dearest`s behind.. All pear shaped... the link should have gone to the vacant job positions in the Taj Mahal @ about £18,000 a year p/t... So little for so much titty`vating and knob polishing....... |
||||
| Vicar |
The mists are clearing and I see you working as a part-time sales assistant at Claire's accessories in the shopping village. | ||||
| ivan burit |
Oh nice one Vicar....
I`ll leave the part time one for you in the Taj Mahal then.. but please be cautious, your camomile `n lemon tea will no doubt will spill at the very thought of the titty`vating and knob polishing duties.... |
||||