talkclacton.myfastforum.org

Lin · Joined: 31 Dec 2006 Posts: 570 Location: Gt Clacton

Come on Frankie ...get with it .
Chatham facelift is were you tie your hair up in such a tight ponytail that it gives you an instant face lift....ok so you can look a bit chinesey where all the skin is pulled back so tight but it seems to be the favourite hairstyle of many of our trackie wearing population.You have to be careful though as one can end up with your ears meeting at the back.
Ivan will know what I mean .....you get the same effect riding a motorbike at breakneck speeds....
Off to buy a Jumbo bag of crisps.. Embarassed

amenity · Joined: 22 Nov 2006 Posts: 775 Location: Dovercourt

And I thought those turned up lips meant they were smiling Surprised

Lin · Joined: 31 Dec 2006 Posts: 570 Location: Gt Clacton

No Amenity ,thats just to lure you into a false sense of security.They cannot do any other facial movements cos they is stuck like that.Just enough of a gap to squeeze a cheeseburger through ,thats also why they cannot drink out of a normal cup ,just through a straw .... Wink

ivan burit · Posted: Tue Jun 05, 2007 9:04 am Post subject:

HA..HA..HA.......
On a bike going faster than the speed of a roaring donkey, your face will have a mind of its own.........
The quicker you go, with an "open face" crash helmet on, you must remember not to smile, as your lips open out like a parachute on descent, with one large red smiley face looking person thats been in the newspapers of late, Embarassed

thats on the string end............but not me.. Wink

......lol......

And as for your instant face lift, one looks in the mirror and thinks to ones self, wher the hell does one start............No hair...... Confused

......Rather large ears though....
I know, get one of them short stretchy straps with hooks at each end, and let them do their best around ones large bald bits.....................
OH NO............................
Now look like a pigs head in a butchers window....
Me nostrils got SOOOOO big, look like the Dartford Tunnel now.......

OK, back to normal....??. Twisted Evil

..me..??....??.....lol....

Fraid you`ll just have to put up with it all.......what you see is what you get i`m afraid..... Cool

.....lol...........
_________________
In truth we seek,In truth we learn,In Tendering,We get neither..

Lin · Joined: 31 Dec 2006 Posts: 570 Location: Gt Clacton

Ivan ,I've got some heavy duty gaffer tape and I am sure no1 grand daughter will oblige by attatching it to said hairless pate ,failing that we could always do you up as Marleys Ghost and you could have one of those bandages to stop your jaw dropping. Laughing

99 red balloons la la la la la hmmmmm.....................................normal ????hey ? get him to the nice place with jackets that go on back to front quick ,our Ivan is full of delusions Wink

ivan burit · Posted: Tue Jun 05, 2007 9:01 pm Post subject:

HA..HA..HA....
OK, for the rest of you that cannot work out just whats going on.........
DONT............................LOL...........
Anyway, Bob marley had dreadlocks mon, it writin in de books of de lord....
he says with a big puff of de herb............lol...
(who was marleys ghost Lin )....

Today, i`ve been out on me scoot, had to get some petrol in the Shell garage, got it, went to pay and saw 2 policemen / ladies looking at me...?...oh no...is the game up..!!!!.....lol..
Dont know if i knew them from one of my "meetings" i`m on, but never had me glasses on....(had me sunglasses over me glasses.) long story...
Or was it that a "gooligan" had gone in the petrol station, with me open face crash hat on...??....lol.....
Anyway, what a brill day for being out and about........
I then went into Waterglade Morrisons for a jar of Tikka masala to mix in with me cut / precooked chicken for dinner with boiled basmati rice....
Well i was going to cook it, for me and my little boy, but at home got waylaid by me next door neighbour Taffy no toes..(not got many fingers either..)...

Now some of us "older " generation who live in "west Clacton" should be seen and not heard...............
BUT, not us..........
Taffy has more tales and stories than me even..........lol....
Taffy has bought an ex coach that had been converted into a motor home, drove it home from Skeggy, most of the way with no brakes..!!!!!!!.....ha..ha..ha...
backed into his drive, and the next day ripped all the insides out to do it all again to his specification.......That was a month ago....
Its all going very well.........
Last week he had a rest.........
He drove to deepest france to see his daughter and family.......

And you thought i was a bit .... well....... "strange".........lol....

So today, i`d got my tikka masala sauce and taffy said.....have you got one of them brake bleeding tool thingy`s........it needs a compresser to make it work...

So off came the nice clean clothes, on with the "work clothes" and dug out of my "shed" my compresser.....
after i took it to taffy`s and got it working, i had the chance to smell some nice cooking smells wafting over from mine........
YUP, the lad had waited so long, he cooked the dinner for me...
Mum and No.2 daughter were visiting uncle jeffries........

So, are we just a bit "strange"...taffy no toes,(ex motorway builder) me, (you know about me) and the little boy, (much suffering from his dear ole dad)...

We have more laughs than a fairground laughing policeman.....

Ivan the terribles tales from the Gold Coast.........
_________________
In truth we seek,In truth we learn,In Tendering,We get neither..

ivan burit

dont have to have a tow car now either.......lol...

http://www.biertijd.com/mediaplayer/?itemid=2648
_________________
In truth we seek,In truth we learn,In Tendering,We get neither..

Lin · Joined: 31 Dec 2006 Posts: 570 Location: Gt Clacton

OMG

Grockles in their Grundy Bins !!!!! Twisted Evil

heaven forbid....tee heee at least they won't be trundling past my front door Ivan heee heee

Nice One Ivan . Laughing

I'm sure I saw a couple of them en route from holiday today on the A12 heading towards Clacton......or should I say The Gold Coast Area of the Sunshine Coast...

ivan burit · Posted: Sun Jun 17, 2007 10:10 pm Post subject:

Oh dear Lindy Loo, you should have been named cindy sue,
for when your silent on here for us day long too,
its time for us to shout and jump and holler away,
we need your post`s and jokes to make our day,
so please pretty please give out comment and joke,
to make me smile, jump for joy, even look a dope...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
_________________
In truth we seek,In truth we learn,In Tendering,We get neither..

Lin · Joined: 31 Dec 2006 Posts: 570 Location: Gt Clacton

Oh Ivan ,are you that bored that you wait for my rather slanted outlook on life on the Sunshine Coast ?.
Now that we know for sure that there is to be no pram race ,perhaps we had better think up a new idea for misbehaving and getting away with it.(Carnival season in August....fancy the Donkey Derby??)
It's been a bit frantic this past 4 weeks what with a daughter getting married ,another having our 6th grandchild and 3 holidays .Crackered is an understatement.
By the way ,I don't think Miss Whiplash has a lot of competition from me as I am a strictly black or beige girl.....don't think the hubby would cope with a Miss Whiplash.

ivan burit · Posted: Mon Jun 18, 2007 12:14 pm Post subject:

HA..HA..HA....
Nice to know you found some time to make sure us folks on the Gold Coast are still here....lol..
So, have a nice time in all of your lifes adventures over the next few weeks / months....

And as for your remark about do i fancy the donkey...............well............lol...

Regards from the Gold Coast reporter..........
_________________
In truth we seek,In truth we learn,In Tendering,We get neither..

Lin · Joined: 31 Dec 2006 Posts: 570 Location: Gt Clacton

Here you go Ivan ,one to add to the awful poet of the year award....

We live in Rainy Tendring
Upon the Sunshine Coast
We really are the Grumpy Folk
Cos we moan far more than most.
But we often have a giggle
To cheer each other up
If there was a prize for silliness
I'm sure we could win the cup.
We have Ivan on his scootie
Racing on the Jaywick Sands
We have Amenity ,all powerful
With info at his hands.
Then Frankie who makes us laugh
With all his clever wit
And... Embarassed

sitting by the crisps
He really is a twit.
When you think she's gone all quiet
and she is gone forever more....
She will soon be back to make us smile
Essexgurl rules the Harwich shore.
The Vicars gorn and left us now
Without a fond Goodbye
He's probably had his calling
From his maker in the sky.
Finally ,theres little me
With my grumpiness galore
Teamed up with myfastforum
I can whinge forever more.

Taaa Daaah

ivan burit · Posted: Mon Jun 18, 2007 1:12 pm Post subject:

OH missy - missy Lin, i cannot even compete
your wit and local knowledge is surely such a feat
i`ll sit and try to write one back to you
being vocal its one thing hard to do
so sit and type with chubby hands
writing verses, lines, and music like bands
we do our best to act like loonies
coz we live at jaywick sands..

Sorry, but i tried me bestest......................lol....
_________________
In truth we seek,In truth we learn,In Tendering,We get neither..

Vicar · Joined: 11 Jan 2007 Posts: 220

Lin · Joined: 31 Dec 2006 Posts: 570 Location: Gt Clacton

Dear Lord

Thank You for answering my prayers and bringing the Vicar back to his Fold.
I promise to be nicer to the grockles
Amen

We should have a day off work in celebration of his return.
Seriously ( or a serious as we get here on Ivans bit) Thanks for making me laugh ,I've been grumpy lately and you have cheered me up no end.

Base boomer blinking cars driven by deaf half-wits who can't sit straight in their seats(they always seem to be in the middle of the front of the car) ,wearing back to front base ball caps ,and oblivious to the fact that we wouldn't moan so much if we could just hear the words to the music over that thumping base beat ......those the ones you mean Vicar??.................if so go right ahead with you vent..... Wink

Vicar · Joined: 11 Jan 2007 Posts: 220

Thank you for your support Lin. I shall wear it with pride.

You don't have to be nicer to grockles as they are cursed in His sight and are condemned to wander the whole world from one chip shop to the next for all eternity, or until the charabanc leaves at 3:30.

When he gets a minute He will probably smite them mightily and wipe them off the face of the earth in His infinite mercy

ivan burit · Posted: Thu Jun 28, 2007 9:40 pm Post subject:

There i was, looking through all the old posts, and when i got to the last one, the Vickers entry, and under it was small adverts.........

Naturally Close Underwear Knickers up to XXXXXXL
Sexy Lingerie in 34-56, A-JJ Cup
Visit today - 10% off first order! Free Delivery & 15% off your order
until 30th June. Shop online today. We stock really big comfy knickers
XXXL to XXXXXXL or hip 54" to 68"
www.naturallyclose.co.uk www.thebigbloomerscompany.co.uk

It could only happen on "our" bit of the website........lol........
_________________
In truth we seek,In truth we learn,In Tendering,We get neither..

Lin · Joined: 31 Dec 2006 Posts: 570 Location: Gt Clacton

Ooooooh BIG comfy Knickers hey,in our house ,we call them Apple Catchers.Ideal for scrumping apples ,you just hold the waistband out to full capacity ,bang the tree and the apples all fall into them .....job done !!! Laughing

Besides .according to Ivan and Frankie ,I don't need them under my fur coat. Embarassed

...oh God whats HE doing there????dirty boy....
Trust Ivan to go on a tangent about womens underwear.......it could only happen here ,as it would never get validated on the other side Wink

ivan burit · Posted: Fri Jun 29, 2007 10:47 am Post subject:

Oooooooohh Young Lin,
i always did like women in fur coats, dont know why though.....
.......(must be something to do with glowball-warming)..........lol..

OK, naughty corner for me.......again........

xxx
_________________
In truth we seek,In truth we learn,In Tendering,We get neither..

Lin · Joined: 31 Dec 2006 Posts: 570 Location: Gt Clacton

You know Ivan ,you had better get Mrs Ivan to make you a nice big comfy cushion to sit on in the naughty corner as you seem to spend a lot of time there.I have reliably been told that it is one minute in the naughty corner for each year of your age ........that means I get out quicker than you.......
I'm ok as I have a built in bean bag on my rear end Shocked

...at least that is what the OH reckons ......it's been years since I looked to check....

ivan burit · Posted: Fri Jun 29, 2007 12:50 pm Post subject:

As they say in panto............
..........................................look behind you.........................
.........oh no its not.........................................oh yes it is..............
.................................OK, back in the corner..lol.........................................
_________________
In truth we seek,In truth we learn,In Tendering,We get neither..

ivan burit · Posted: Fri Jun 29, 2007 12:51 pm Post subject:

Lin · Joined: 31 Dec 2006 Posts: 570 Location: Gt Clacton

HA Ha Cptn I ....I could be out in plenty of time to make a cuppa ,smoke a cigar and eat half a pack of choccie biscuits before you could even stir Wink

nuttin wrong with having your own built -in -bean bag ,never short of somewhere to sit ,portable and the biggest bonus of all is ........I ALWAYS win at Musical Chairs !!!!!! Laughing

ivan burit · Posted: Wed Jul 04, 2007 2:17 pm Post subject:

Looky-looky girls, this is what your parents told you not to go too........lol..

http://tinpan.fortunecity.com/ebony/546/weeley-crimson-maran.html

oooh, nice hair an clothes.........
_________________
In truth we seek,In truth we learn,In Tendering,We get neither..

Lin · Joined: 31 Dec 2006 Posts: 570 Location: Gt Clacton

Rory Gallagher ........now that certainly stirs some adolescent urges.......I'm not saying no more................. Wink

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