talkclacton.myfastforum.org

Lin · Joined: 31 Dec 2006 Posts: 570 Location: Gt Clacton

Joy has obviously let Ivan off the naughty step.

Has anyone seen The Garden that Children Really Want on the Chelsea flower Show ?? WOW !!! . Now wouldn't that have looked a whole lot nicer in the town square than the water feature.That's what would entertain the kids.
Is it just me ,or does anyone else think that a few more trees around this area would have looked nice ??.
If Pierre Oxley ever reads this ,how about something like this for the youngsters ,far more fun than going back and forth on a swing .
If his Mum ever reads this ,it would certainly earn Brownie Points for the Clacton in Bloom Team Wink

.Who incidentaly do a terrific job.

Oops ,nearly forgot www.bbc.co.uk/chelsea2008

Vicar · Joined: 11 Jan 2007 Posts: 220

The link didn't work for me Lin. This one does.

Makes me wish I was 60 again. I feel silly stripping off and running through the fountains every Saturday afternoon. Last week someone laughed at me.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/chelsea/show_gardens/marshalls.shtml
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ivan burit · Posted: Fri May 23, 2008 8:28 pm Post subject:

"Makes me wish I was 60 again. I feel silly stripping off and running through the fountains every Saturday afternoon. Last week someone laughed at me".

So vicar, it was you making a dash for the pie & mash shop....
you know john & pretty blue eyes wont like dripping wet parts perched partly upon proprieters seats, partisipating in pie & mash...
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amenity · Joined: 22 Nov 2006 Posts: 775 Location: Dovercourt

Amazingly someone has started planting some flowers along the seafront at Dovercourt, after all these years of Stalag 17 steel fencing all around town preventing access to the shore etc etc.

Even the school took up the theme and surrounded itself with this awful fencing, but that in part was eventually disguised with growth of thorn bushes.

It is most welcome to see planting we have lost so much over the last ten years, even part of the park land has been lost, admittedly to a school.

The story is that plants were once all along the sea front cliffs/slopes but they were uprooted.

The place has taken on a grim aspect so this planting can only be good lets hope it's just the beginning.

ivan burit · Posted: Fri May 23, 2008 8:51 pm Post subject:

amenity, i look in my crystal ball and see much good being done in your part of heaven.
In truth, your part does feature in TDC`s new spin factory with Cllr. Lines at its helm.
I / we wish all of you and your fellow residents the best of good fortune in the months to come, and get well and truly planted for all to see....
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Lin · Joined: 31 Dec 2006 Posts: 570 Location: Gt Clacton

What ,or should I say Who we need is Richard from Guerilla Gardeners ,he'd sort it out in a jiffy .
I have been in touch with Richard over the past three years and with his ideas have had quite a bit of success with my 'accidental 'plantings along weedy old side growths around the area .
If you see a plant growing where it does not look like the council planted it ,don't pull it up .enjoy it .My Oxford Road wallflowers are just going over now but looked lovely this year .If you just happen to see a 'stray' foxglove ,have a giggle for me.
My theory is ,if the council don't care then they will get 'planted' I also have been gathering some 'cuttings' that 'fell'off the bushes as I 'brushed 'past them that have taken well ...any suggestions ????
I really dislike vast open spaces of nothing ,white /chewing gum coloured paving stones and a token 'avenue 'of trees ,where is the character in that .Just feel the town and surrounding areas could really do with some green .
If anyone wants a treat and has a dog or small child to wear out over the weekend ,try going to the meadows behind Burrs Road cemetary ,it's absolutly covered in tall buttercups like a huge field of gold,beautiful and free.See if you can spot the odd ones out trees Wink

amenity · Joined: 22 Nov 2006 Posts: 775 Location: Dovercourt

"The story is that plants were once all along the sea front cliffs/slopes but they were uprooted."

I should have added uprooted by TDC.

If an area is beautified it will improve, theory.

ivan burit · Posted: Sat May 24, 2008 11:13 am Post subject:

amenity, your comments about if an area is beutified it will improve, are very much the basic`s of the new community white paper on community empowerment.
In Jaywick we have (like most depressed areas) the broken window syndrome, if one gets broken, the rest will soon follow.
If one bag of rubbish gets dumped, more will follow.
If residents of all wards took just a bit of time to help out in their wards "not so nice" bits, it would soon begin to look a better place.
Many like minded residents do their bit, but in some places (like parts of our Ward) its an uphill struggle..

I really like the idea of the guerilla gardiners, have seen them on TV a few times.
More Lin types are needed in all areas...(will have to get Captain Invinceable to start collecting seeds) for the mysterious actions of sudden sprouting of flowers from seeds......
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ivan burit · Posted: Sat May 24, 2008 11:18 am Post subject:

Anyway, more time for a joke...

Newspaper article.....

It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it
becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as
when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to shout at them.
Some are over-sensitive and there's nothing worse than an over-sensitive
woman.

My name is Ron. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife,
Julie. When I took early retirement last year, it became necessary for
Julie to get a full-time job for the extra income that we need.

Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show
her age. I now usually get home from the pub about the same time she
gets home from work. Although she knows how hungry I am, she nearly
always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts
dinner. I don't shout at her, instead I tell her to take her time and
just wake me when she gets dinner on the table.. I generally have lunch
at the pub so eating out again is out of the question; I'm ready for
some home cooked food when I get in.

She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. But now it's
usual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner. I do
what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening
that they won't clean themselves. I know she really appreciates this, as
it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed.

Another symptom of ageing is complaining. For example, she will say that
it is difficult for her to do the shopping during her lunch hour. But we
take them for better or worse, so I just smile and offer encouragement.
I tell her to stretch it out over two or even three days. That way she
won't have to rush so much. I also remind her that missing lunch
completely now and then won't hurt her. I like to think tact is one of
my strong points.

When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods.
She has to take a rest when she has only half finished mowing the lawn
and several extra breaks when she's vacuuming through the house. It does
annoy me, vacuuming when I'm trying to watch 'Match of the Day', but I
try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man. I tell her to make herself a
nice cup of tea and just sit for a while, and as long as she is making
one for herself, she may as well make one for me too.

I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Julie. I'm
not saying that showing this much consideration is easy. Many men will
find it difficult. Some will find it impossible! Nobody knows better
than I do how frustrating women get as they get older. However, even if
you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your ageing wife
because of this article, I will consider that writing it was well
worthwhile. After all, we are put on this earth to help each other.

EDITOR'S NOTE:

Ron died suddenly last week. He was found with a 24-inch Stanley
screwdriver rammed up his "nether regions" with only 2 inches showing.

His wife Julie was arrested, but the all-woman jury accepted her defence
that he accidentally sat on it.

OK, the sentiments portrayed within the above few paragraphs may not be of everyones taste, but it did make me laugh.........lots........
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Lin · Joined: 31 Dec 2006 Posts: 570 Location: Gt Clacton

So how come you are still able to sit down still Ivan Shocked

,your missus must have an infinite amount of patience .

By the way ,I shall be collecting wallflower seeds this weekend ,so if Jaywick would like some just ask.Also have a few morning glories that I cannot find the right place for.

ivan burit · Posted: Sat May 24, 2008 4:29 pm Post subject:

LIN...he says in shock and awe.........

"I shall be collecting wallflower seeds this weekend ,so if Jaywick would like some just ask.Also have a few morning glories that I cannot find the right place for".

uuummmmmm.....
dont know where to start really....
O ok, i`ll start.....ooopppps
in the same sentance as seeds and morning glory`s, a man can get all hot under the coller young lady
ha..ha..ha.....

OK< back from the naughty step........AGAIN.....

Our dearest young Lin, many thanks for your offer, which i am thankfull.
we in Jaywick are abundant in wallflower (i think) not sure about the other one..
it never ceases to amaze me how wallflower seeds grow from tiny "fisures" between rock & concrete.
i will try to harvest some when the pods are ripe enough.
I have my own tiny garden in tubs which has seeds planted a few weeks ago, i think they are marigolds, from small peanut type seeds i harvested 2 years ago, put in a "safe" place, then only found then just resently, but are growing about 2 - 3 inches tall now.
In all i have 17 tubs with various planted such as,
1 nearly finished Xmas tree, now sprouting for England,
1 palm type tree about 2 foot tall
1 smaller palm looking type ?
2 shop bought japaneese type transplanted trees about 2 foot tal, pink & white flowery leafs,
1 out of 12 seeds of sunflower & pumpkin only 1 has sprouted so far,(pumpkin i think)
3 with ex daffies & falling wallflower plus marigold growing,
2 `aint got a clue-me son got them of a side of the road vendor in Walton for a £1,
the rest will be something one day.........lol...
With our dogs & piddle-the-cat, plus other Toms, planting into our thin soil covered ex beach sand & stones dont always work, so i find the tubs better choice-FOR ME..
A sort of a token feel proud when it all goes to plan type of thing..

I still like the idea of chucking bags of seeds at things though....lol....
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Lin · Joined: 31 Dec 2006 Posts: 570 Location: Gt Clacton

What you need Ivan is some Valarian it grows anywhere ,tough as old boots .
Added bonus is you can slip some of the ground root into OH's tea and she will not make a sound all evening (perhaps I should have said SHE can slip some in YOUR tea and have a quiet evening) ,you can't use it craftily though ,the ground roots smell like my Grandsons socks after he has worn them for a week at scout camp.
Talking of smells ,I have been told by him that I smell lovely as I have been pruning Rosemary all afternoon and Boy ,do I stink .He seems to like it though ,strange boy.

ivan burit · Posted: Sat May 24, 2008 7:04 pm Post subject:

Here we go. morning glory all over again...........ooooouch.....back on the step

Please dont mention anything that makes the boss sleep, whatever it is, its already working mate.........lol.....bless her....she has the nack to even visit her brother and fall asleep......(its me thats "supposidly" got sleep apnea)....zzzzzzzzzz
at the moment, the boss is trying to use a rizla machine to make ciggies, and not doing very well.
I made 5 before i felt like chucking it out of the window....

Talking of old socks, since i no longer have the need to wear steel toe cap boots, my plates of meat, smell so sweet......not sure about the rest though.....lol.

Smells are a funny thing to different people.
I love the smell of cut grass, flowers and open fields............but....
I also love the smell of racing oil, burnt rubber & hot engines in Banger / stock car Racing..........(or even my old scoot doing a burn out)..me....nah mate-never...
I also love the fresh smell of the sea & sea weed drying out......

The boss loves the smell of petrol, hopefully not when smoking though....
She also loves the smells of fresh mud after rain, tar when roofing or road laying, boot polish etc...

Horses for courses as they say Lin...
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Lin · Joined: 31 Dec 2006 Posts: 570 Location: Gt Clacton

Creosote wins it for me anytime Shocked

Sweet Peas ,oh Lord ,if I had to chose between them and chocolate I'd be all a dither Rolling Eyes

Oh ,and ,the oil that my Dad used on his guns ,I still can't go into Burcarts and not be transported back 40 years ........

ivan burit · Posted: Sat May 24, 2008 8:45 pm Post subject:

As it happens young Lin, us old seasiders both like creosote too, when i "do" the fences, depending on colour, i use old engine oil mixed with whatever it is now thats called creosote, for the dark effect, new oil & light creosote for nice golden effect...
but the smell is the same..
I can only just remember sweet peas....(and before ANYONE..vicar..suggests, i am not incontinent) either..
Our old (ex ) next door neighbours grew there own veggies when possable, so had the usual variety of runner beans etc. probably grew sweet peas if i remember correct, they sort of curled over the high fence., with pretty flowers..
..the old fella always showing what you can eat raw/ what you cannot......
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amenity · Joined: 22 Nov 2006 Posts: 775 Location: Dovercourt

Must agree with Lin, gun oil wins with Tar a close second.

ivan burit · Posted: Sun May 25, 2008 8:08 am Post subject:

Not really had the chance to "taste" gun oil, but have family that does, so to speak.

In the bad old days when i was a tourist, i worked, and got covered, in so many types of oils, both synthetic and general mineral based oils, some with dangerous high levels of Rolls - Royce requested - demanded even, addatives, that gave molecular structure an "easy" time whilst machining said high tech alloys, without the threat of structure breakdown, or corrosion afterwards.......
phewww.....

So, back to sweet peas, tar, and other aromatics.......(still like racing oil though)..lol
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amenity · Joined: 22 Nov 2006 Posts: 775 Location: Dovercourt

Hmmm!
Ivan you have reminded me of my greatest omission ever in the smell ranking, Caster oil.

Out of exhaust pipes naturally.

ivan burit · Posted: Sun May 25, 2008 9:07 am Post subject:

ha..ha..ha....

Without being defamatory, what else would you have possably meant amenity....

LONG time ago, when i was "little" my mum used to walk me to the clinic in Dagenham where we lived at the time, and we got our top up of powdered milk, orange juice, malt and cod liver oil....

I`m sure castor oil featured somewhere........

The clinic still has horrors for me when i look back, and have passed so many times since.
All the above "treats" were ok, but the clinic had the local dentists/butcher bloke.
the old belt driven. blunt dentists drill and drill bits still give me the shudders, the memories of burning hot decayed teeth as the blunt bit tried to grind away dry...
of being given gas to sleep, but woke up dreaming i was on a long slide, falling down to the bottom, where a B I G lion was standing - waiting - with his huge jaws open for my decent.............lol....

And in the `70/80s people must have dreamt the simular things after eating magic mushrooms, or something......lol.
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amenity · Joined: 22 Nov 2006 Posts: 775 Location: Dovercourt

I also had to attend the "Sunlight treatment" clinic.

Get shudders thinking of that, and looking down at my foot in the shoe shop x ray machine situated on the pavement.

It's a wonder I'm still here.

Suffice to say I've questioned those that claim to know what they are doing or allowing to be done ever since I realised how unsure of their ground they must have been.

ivan burit · Posted: Tue Jun 24, 2008 12:18 am Post subject:

Get that naughty step out again,
i`ve been shown a german town thats rude in english..

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/smile,_Austria
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ivan burit · Posted: Tue Jun 24, 2008 10:42 pm Post subject:

I might have linked this before, but it was my weekends bit of fun way back when...lol

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ICjJkCtqWP8
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ivan burit · Posted: Sat Jul 26, 2008 9:17 pm Post subject:

OK i`m waking up my over 18`s bit again with a funny story sent to me by a nutter.
(a rich nutter, who was once my friend and acountant + ex banger racer and lover of Ford Capri`s, who still has a capri he used for the scally rally last year, and was called the "essex boys" in the rally, but now lives in marham in posh norfolk)...oh i do go on dont I....

Subject: Moral to the story

I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend
and I had been dating for over a year, and so we
decided to get married. There was only one
little thing bothering me...It was her beautiful
younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very
tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She
would regularly bend down when she was near
me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to
be deliberate because she never did it when she was
near anyone else.

One day her 'little' sister called and asked me to
come over to check the wedding invitations. She was
alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she
had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't
overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once
before I got married and committed my life to her sister.

Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.
She said, 'I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if
you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.'

I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go
up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned
and made a beeline straight to the front door. I
opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.

Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing
outside, all clapping! With tears in his eyes, my
father-in-law hugged me and said, 'We are very happy
that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask
for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.'

And the moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms
in your car.

(At this point i nearly fell of my chair laughing------did you i wonder.)
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amenity2 · Joined: 10 Jul 2008 Posts: 244 Location: Dovercourt

Same here.

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